But, I get so mad!

Everyone gets angry. Anger isn’t bad, it’s an emotion. What’s important is how we handle our anger.

When you get angry don’t name-call and don’t zero in on the other person’s vulnerable areas.

No one is suggesting that you repress anger—but you should express your anger in a constructive manner, resolve it, and use it to fuel change. Unexpressed anger will submerge, fester, and resurface disguised as a symptom such as depression, physical illness or physical violence.

Tips for Fighting Fairly

	Pick a time and a place to have your disagreement.
	Create a mood of loving concern.
	Avoid attacking each other.
	Deal with one issue at a time.
	Sometimes we must agree to disagree.
	Don’t cry, cuss or throw things.
	Listen carefully to the other person’s feelings, thoughts and emotions.
	Express your feelings accurately.
	End the fight with an expression of affection.

Why Do We Always End Up Fighting?

Good communication is one of the most important elements in developing a secure and lasting relationship—and good communication begins with using “I” messages. Here is an example illustrating the difference between ‘bad’ communication (using “you” messages) and ‘good’ communication (using noncombative, nonthreatening “I” messages).

Instead of telling your partner, “If you really loved me, you would remember to take out the garbage,” (“you” message) try saying, “It upsets me when I have to remind you to take out the garbage. I know it’s a dumb thing to fuss about, but do you think we could work out a solution?” (“I” message)

“You” messages tend to make your partner feel like he/she is being attacked. They leave your partner with little room to respond maturely, as an equal. Fighting is often the end result.

“I” messages encourage the art of compromise and represent the best way to avoid speaking in attacking, hurtful, blaming ways.

Taken from “Why Love Is Not Enough”

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